ravenseyes’ blog

Well things are still not going well im still in a bad depression , ive gained so much weight from the seroquel and the pristiq which does make you gain and boy oh boy have i..lol its terrible vicious circle. Its hard for me to focus on anything i quit smoking for 5 days and just couldnt take it anymore and lit up unfortunately but i am going to try to quit slowy i cant so this cold turkey shit. I hope everyone out there is doing well anyway . I am hanging in their..lol!

Ava_16

I know i have not written in a few days.Im not as depressed as usual and i have even began to clean thehouse instead of my kids 2 are not working so they would clean the house for me and even dinners cuz i could not leave my room for weeks they are wonderful girls. God blessed me with them all my girls. Yeah i have actually been doing things on my own its hard though with fibromyalgia body muscles and bones ache badly and the pain relievers they gave me for them dont work. But i think i am doing good so far just checking on my websites, watch tv not much though i hope it keeps getting better but i know not to get to excited....lol,

Ava_20

Well today was okay not so much restless just nervous all day had dentist went to lunch took a nap can u believe that an actual nap ! That does not happen often. have alot doc apts this week . 

Ravenpic2

Laura and the baby are back here as soon as they move out her the baby and her oldest son he is 23 things will get back to normal i think. They have been living here with us for over a year i cant take it anymore we cant afford it either.

I feel like shit my depression is getting worse tom ils not working cuz he is sick he goes back to work next monday my life is the shit.

Ravenspic9

Today was not bad a little restless in the morning but the rest of the day was not bad at all. Watched some tv , cleaned a little it was a beautiful too warm and sunny its about time too! Thats about all was out for a little while. Hope tomorrrow turns out even better. 

Ava_16

its 10:25 ive been up since 6am everyone else is still sleeping it drives me nuts when the house is so quiet Im restless enough . smoking alot lately too from this restlessness i don't know how much more i can stand i just sit in my room and stare at the tv not really even watching whats on . When your own shrink tells you she does'nt know what else she can give you that really sucks. She is my last hope saying that to me didn't help any thats for damn sure. Im on so many meds as it is in away i can understand her point. I cleaned my room a bit needs more though but don't have the energy for that or anything else i try to push myself to do things that need to get done but i find myself to lost mentally to do it. God give me some peace of mind take this debilating disease away from me . Day after day the same shit . It will definetly help when my sister in law and her kids move out of here. Theres no room and she does not contribute anything i wish they would hurry and move out already. Theres no privacy. Please let my day go good or at least bareable God. 

Bitebutton3

Another rough day ahead get up earlly still tired but can't sleep so damn restless everyday feels like the same day nothing different gloom and doom feeling. I can't get motivated to do anything i hope i feel a llittle better for Easter but the way it looks i highlly dought it. I can't even go to church i can't handle being around so many people at one time and i know when they start playing that depressing music i will cry which is so embarassing so i don't go to church anymore. I gotta hold on and go with the flow its just an undesireable feeling it can't hurt me physically and i have ot just do things even though i feel depressed i have to push myself and just do what i gotta do! Things are tough with tom out of work cuz of his leg injury   were behind on everything , the kids constantlly fighting with one another just gets me more frustrated because its all unnessary bullshit they fight over . Got alot on my plate and if things donn't get better i will be in the hospital again and thats no fun believe me it helps in some ways but in other ways it sucks because they have rules their , and you cant smoke which will drive me nuts...lol .  (already nutty...lol) and i just hate rules that i feel are kinda stupid well im just rattling on now ill be back later on see how the day progresses but it will be like the rest depressing , boring , unmotivated day.

Mommy1

I feel sad about the passing of kevin he passed away yesterday morning have not seen him in years but his family is close to me i can feel their pain been their myself some hurtin doesn't go away. Things are the same trying to hang in and boy let me tell you its so damn hard i feel like ive been hanging by my nails on a cliff! For way to long i need to keep myself occupied but its hard so hard to do.

Ravenspic9

Another day another restless day i think the restlessness is one of the worst feelings just so fidgety can't sit still but don't know what to do with my self Sandy called yesterday i have to call her today. Josh is coming out here for Easter which is nice but im sure my mother does'nt like it at all. Im going to try keeping up with writing in the vox best i can Im on some new meds keppra or keppera something like that its actually a anticonvulsant but sometimes they are used for the restlessness so i take alot of that now morning , afternoon, and night dosages. Doesn't seem to help really to be honest seems like none of these damn meds help but they must be doing something cuz i know i would be feeling worse than i do without them so i guess they do something. This restlessness is drivng me crazy every damn day i have to deal with it Tom and i talked yesterday and we both agreed that i have not been the same since my Gram and Step father passed away and its true Ive never seen someone die right before my eyes its horrible to watch and you can't do anything about it . It really blew me away to see him die . and my Gram passing before him was the worst blow ever it was not expected she was not realllly sick it was a sudden death that tore me up she was my everything she understood me , she loved me and excepted me for who i am i miss her so much not a day goes by that i don't think abaout her i dream about her sometimes and the dreams are nice she died in 2002 and my life has not been the same since . Then being at the hospital with my step father watching him die just made everything worse i have to find a way out this depression .  

Asva_23

Well it took me over im still severely depressed cant snap out of it but at least im alive right! Their are times i wish i wasnt but my family needs me and doing anything stupid would just screw them up for life . its kinda early i have a dentist appointment which i dont want to go to i dont want to go anywhere or do anything not even things i enjoy doing which is apart of depression but i have to really push myself for things that have to be done like doc appointments and my hubby is a big help very understanding but it gets to him sometimes too and i can understand that i will feel energetic one day and the next its gone and its like dishing out false hope and he gets disappointed . He actuallly thinks thaat im going to stay well when i am well for afew days so it just gets him upset as it does me. Not sure what else to write today i might be back later to write some more. "hold on Raven hold tight like you always do" ! Its a downwards roller coaster but it always comes back up to see the light!